The Empty Chair is Gone

Rich and I ran our business from our basement. It was unfinished on one side and crudely finished on the side where our office was. He used to laugh about our "low overhead". Certainly no fancy digs! I think Rich kept every piece of paper we ever had. I cleaned out his desk immediately after he died and put his personal belongings in bins and put them upstairs. I rarely went down there after that.

When working, he'd sit at his desk and Lizzie would lay at my feet all day except for lunch time. Then, at the same time each day, she would go up the stairs and flip the toilet seat and let it down with a bang. That was usually her sign that her water bowl was empty, but at lunch time it meant, "Come upstairs, and let's go to lunch!" Whenever she did it, Rich would always smile and say to me, "Let's blow this place for a while." Then we'd laugh.

My desk was over near the stairs. When Jack came along, he would come running like a fool, down the stairs, stick his head between the railings, steal a pencil out of my pencil holder and run back upstairs. We laughed every time he did it. He had so much extra skin on him that as he leaned down it would cascade forward into wrinkles - he looked more like a blood hound than a Lab. Such a character. We had shelving filled with books and other office supplies. Sometimes, he would come down with a bone and remove books from a box, put the bone in, and cover it back up with books. Then he'd look around, suspiciously, to see if we had been watching. We were always guilty, in his eyes, so he'd take the books out, again, retrieve his bone, and go through the same ritual in another spot. This went on daily.

The basement being empty for over 9 years left me with a job I couldn't finish on my own. I've prepared the past several months by filling one garbage bag at a time. My back just couldn't handle more than that. I put a few things aside that my kids want. My granddaughter's boyfriend just bought a house so I saved the shovels, spades, pitch fork, pole digger, etc., for him. There are a few other things that my kids wanted, too.  I think I probably had 50 contractor bags of stuff. Some I could get to the street, others I couldn't. Then, of course, there were the tools, the file cabinets, the desk, etc. The kids, a couple of times a number of years ago, had straightened it up for me, but as time passed it became like a dungeon--spider webs and all. 

Just before the men left around noon, one of them asked me, "Does this go?" I hesitated and felt a catch in my throat as I touched his chair one last time, and then watched it go. There was no reason to keep it, but...I'm feeling like I want to see it, again. This will pass, too. Another milestone behind me.

Jack First Day Home

Jack One Year Old

Lizzie 1st Day Home-So Tiny and Precious

Lizzie--Her First Trip West

Jack Slowing Down

Jack's Time to Do as Little or as Much as He Wants

Rich/Lizzie on Mt. Hebo Where He Was Stationed

No More Running Up and Down the Stairs

Lizzie Vogel State Park

More About Back Pain

I've been putting off posting this, but since I've written as I've gone through surgery, etc., I feel obligated to let those few, who are interested because of their own back problems, know that the ablation did not work (for me). I was completely pain free for a week (the lidocaine). I tried to ignore the twinges, at first, because I didn't want to admit to myself that it didn't work. However, as in the past, the twinges became pain within two weeks. It's back with a vengeance. I so hoped it would work. The brace does not help. The doctor said she didn't hold out much hope for it but it was worth trying.

I'm out of options with the exception of pain medication and surgery. I don't need the medication unless the barometer starts moving up and down. That's when it will not quiet down when I sit or lie down which is usually a pain free time for me. I guess I'm fortunate that it's not the other way around.

The surgery does not have a good success rate. I don't fear the surgery itself, but that it will make things worse and cause the pain to continue while sitting or lying down so I will have NO periods of  relief. Not much else to say about it except that I just have to learn to live with it and not complain.

Jack is still such a comfort. He's slowing down little by little, but is still happy and pain free. He is the light in my life. He sure knows how to relax--still looks like a puppy at times, to me--he'll always be a puppy in my heart.

Sleeps Like a Baby

70 Years Later

The Bravest of the Brave (link)

A Time to Remember...

Links:

Memorial Day Tribute
President Bush Remembers
Our Wounded Warriors at his Ranch

Taps

All Gave Some. Some Gave All.

Yes, I Got to Go Again!!!I

Susie didn't have to go into work until 11 a.m., today, so she stopped by just to take me on a short walk down the street. I always have fun on walks with her, but I really, really like the nature center.

But, guess what???? Nancy took me this afternoon! Now, I know you're going to get bored because Nancy goes nuts with the camera. I almost lucked out--she had the same problem that Ms. Sherry had--the zoom wouldn't open, but Nancy fiddled and managed to get it to work, but it's on its last legs. That's a shame because she takes good care of it and it isn't that old.

Trust me, these are only a few of the pictures she took. She says she wants to show everyone what a handsome boy I am even though I'm going to be 13 in a couple of months.  There is one that I want to tell you about. After Rich went away, Nancy put a bench in the nature center. It had a plaque on it that had Rich's name in the middle and Lizzie's name to the right (that's where she always walked) and my name to the left (that's where I walked). Before Nancy hurt her back she put a couple of coats of varnish on it to try to preserve it.

As you know, she hasn't been able to get up to the nature center for quite a while, but Susie and others told her that the bench was starting to fall apart. Some nice person replaced the bad wood and though we can't read the sign any more, the bench looks good as new and is sturdy. Nancy sat on it for a while, today, and I sat next to her and we just enjoyed the cool breeze. We don't know who this person is that fixed our bench, but Nancy and I wish we could thank them.

Nancy yelled at me because I was eating dirt. I don't know what's in it but it tastes so good. She said she'd brain me if I wound up throwing up in the house.

This is on the way to the "swamp" part of the nature center. They work hard to make it really nice.

This is me by Rich's bench.

Look how handsome I am. (Um, Nancy made me say that)

I really, really wanted to go in that water. Nancy says she doesn't like me to go in because a lot of it is run off from the streets.

But, can't I go in the water just a little, Nancy?

This is something new and cool. School children come here and nice people teach them about nature. Isn't that nice? There's a whole half circle of them. See, even the trees that fell this winter have a use.

Oooh...something smells good.

Time to go home, I know.

A Short Post to Celebrate Spring

The rain brought cooler weather. It's just right out. In fact, Jack and I are headed to the nature center after I post. I stopped in the grocery store, yesterday, to get sweet potatoes to make chips for him. I got up early this morning to make them because each batch takes 4 hours. Well, brain cramp! I forgot to get the potatoes. So, I went up to get them. The second batch is in.

Spring has sprung. The white and pink dogwoods have already bloomed, but this tree is a dogwood, too, but it blooms later than the others (I have to look up it's name). Rich planted it thinking it was pink because that's the way it was tagged. It never bloomed until the year Rich died. It's very full this year. I'm wondering if it's going to turn white or get yellower. Hard to see in this photo, but the flowers are a ver light greenish yellow.

A good photographer knows how to get her whole body in the picture. What a dope. LOL

Okay, Let's Go, Sleepy!!

Jack and I WALKED to the Nature Center!!!

Believe it or not we walked all the way up and back. My daughter-in-law was with us.  I can't believe I didn't have my camera, but I was afraid I'd fall or drop it as my balance isn't what it used to be. Many trees from winter storms have fallen so a lot of the trails were either blocked or we had to climb over trees. I could do it, but I didn't want Jack to be jumping. So we took a shorter trail, but still it was about 1-½ miles and a lot of it was up and down hills--which is really the test for me.

I was winded, for sure, but I was in heaven walking not only without pain, but in the woods...in nature! Oh, please, please, everyone cross your fingers that this works! It's wonderful. It's just wonderful! Jack is sound asleep...think he's still not believing that we made it!

Thanks to everyone for their well-wishes. I wish I had a picture. I'm going to go back and find an old one just because I need to have one!!!

Hmmm...wonder how I can see the leaves THROUGH Jack?

Then, again...

Today Was a Wonderful Day

Today I took two walks with Jack. I went to Target. I got a lot done in the house. I went to dinner with my daughter and daughter-in-law. I don't know how many times I went up and down the stairs, but a lot of times. I stood outside and fed my azaleas and roses. NO PAIN! Did you hear me? NO PAIN!

I hope it lasts. If it doesn't I want to remember this day.

Only for Those Who Have Back Problems

I had the ablation, yesterday. I can't tell you what a wonderful practice this is from the front desk to the nurses, and of course to the doctor. I have a "PITA" today (some would say I'm being paid back. :)) BUT! So far the SI joint pain seems to be calmed down. Not gone, but they don't expect it to be for a while. I actually cleaned and organized my linen closet this morning, and had laundry in by 9 a.m. I haven't been able to stand that long for quite a while.

I am going to be fitted for a brace this week. The doctor said she went to a seminar on Monday and the exhibit  of a company had this particular brace especially to stabilize the pelvis. She tried it on herself and said it felt good to her and she has no problems so she's hoping it will help me. She said her objective is to keep me out of surgery, and is hoping I won't need to see her again for 6 months. IF, by any chance this doesn't work, she did speak to my surgeon and he will do the SI joint surgery as a last resort. We are all hoping we don't have to go there.

I just can't wait to take Jack for a walk to the nature center, visit some places like Dahlonega and Blue Ridge to window shop, vacuum again more than 3 feet at a time and of course Camp/Travel...so many things to look forward to.

The doctor said, yesterday, that she was going to go deep (I can assure you, she did). The lidocaine didn't wear off the injection sites until last night. Tolerable, and I know it's temporary. Just thought I'd keep those of you interested and informed while thanking those of you who wished me luck for yesterday. Will keep you posted...hoping beyond hope that this has done the trick. As I said, I won't know for a while as it takes a while for the ablation to take effect. What's helping the pain in the interim is the steroids and lidocaine.

Can't close without a picture of you know who. He's stayed by my side through thick and thin. I've moved a table out of the way so he can sleep right next to the couch. See his red collar. It lights up red so when he goes out at night I can see where he is in the yard. So funny just to see a red line floating around in the dark.

Do you think he could get any more comfortable?

Prom Night ! A Flurry of Excitement and Photographs

Saturday was a big day for two of my granddaughters. Sisters with proms in two different places; a Junior Prom and a Senior Prom. I went down to join Michael and Laura run around to get pictures. Jack and I stayed down until this morning. 

Following in no particular order--the blog decided--are pictures. Never saw so many pretty girls in one place. They are so grown up for their ages.

Laura, Peyton, Michael

Laura, Victor, Keely, Michael

Peyton - Beautiful in Blue

A Few of the "ladies" Arriving for Pictures

Victor and Keely. I haven't consolidated all the pictures so I don't have one of Keely by herself uploaded to my computer.

I felt bad leaving Bogey behind. He broke house rules and crawled (well actually he leapt up and over my shoulder and landed square on my middle.) He tried sneak attacks from every direction--I was so tired I finally gave in. Jack then got up to get in on the cozy. Laura and Michael left at 6 a.m. I didn't hear them but Laura said Bogey picked his head up as if to say, "So?" She said both pups were draped on me. Bogey knows not to get on the furniture, but I think he sees me and thinks "spoiled". The couch is leather and was covered so no harm. I could not keep him off even though I lugged Jack's beds all the way down to their house.

My youngest grandchild will start college next year. Where have the years gone? All five are such fun to be around, and have grown to be polite, smart, and interesting young ladies. I'm very proud of them even though it was their parents who raised them and deserve the credit. Still, I'll take some credit for having such wonderful kids!

Tomorrow they do the ablation. I'm hoping beyond hope that it works and it will relieve the pain. My only option if this doesn't work is more surgery. I don't think I'll know whether it has worked for 4 to 6 weeks, but I'll find out more, tomorrow. Doesn't sound like fun, but I'll suffer just about anything if it will give me some relief in the end.

It's Been So Long...

 I Can Dream and Wish (Song)

I'll Always Miss You.

Betty

Going Home
Mary Fahl

They say theres a place, where dreams have all gone
They never said where, but I think I know
Its miles through the night just over the dawn
On the road that will take me home

I know in my bones, I've been here before
The ground feels the same, tho the land's been torn
I've a long way to go, the stars tell me so
On this road that will take me home.

Love waits for me round the bend
Leads me endlessly on
Surely sorrows shall find their end
And all our troubles will be gone
And I know what I've lost, and all that I won
When the road finally takes me home

And when I pass by, don't lead me astray
Don't try and stop me, don't stand in my way
I'm bound for the hills where cool waters flow
On this road that will take me home

Love waits for me round the bend
Leads me endlessly on
Surely sorrows shall find their end
And all our troubles will be gone
And we'll know what we've lost and all that we've won
When the road finally takes me home.

I'm going home
I'm going home
I'm going home

Going Home To Robbinsville

Amazon Smile Program

I buy a lot from Amazon online because it's become difficult for me to get to the stores. Recently they have come out with a program called Smile . It means that every purchase you make, 0.5% of the proceeds go to the charity of your choice; mine is St. Jude's in Mary's honor.

There is so much research to be done to cure and prevent childhood cancer. Mary is in remission; that doesn't mean the worry is over for her family or for her. It doesn't mean a cure. I contribute as much as I can, but every little bit helps so I was happy to know that Amazon is helping. Aside from research, no child is turned away from St. Jude's for financial reasons. Every child gets treated.

If you think of it the next time you purchase something online from Amazon, will you consider giving through SMILE ?

So that I don't forget, I've bookmarked the site and named it "Smile". I think it's wonderful that a huge corporation funds charities. It shows once more that private industry and individuals can do more than government to help those in need and change things for the better.

No Back Problems? Pass This Post Up!

I had my second set of shots, today. The doctor is hoping but did not sound optimistic that these will last much longer than the first ones. I already have an appointment in April for a more involved procedure so that alone tells me something. If that procedure doesn't work, then I'll be referred back to the surgeon for SI joint surgery. It won't be as invasive as the back surgery, but it's not a walk in the park, either. They will put implants or screws through my pelvis on each side and anchor my pelvis to my spine (the way it's supposed to be). I'm beginning to wonder if everything about me is unstable.

I'm disappointed and I'm very tired of pain. I'm tired of medications and I'm tired of limitations. I'm just tired of it all. The thought of surgery (if it will stop the pain) doesn't scare me. However, the recuperation is long. At least six weeks no weight bearing, four weeks partial weight bearing, and back to regular routine twelve weeks. I haven't given up hope that the shots won't last, but I didn't feel any encouragement from the doctor.

I'm writing this because I know of at least two people who are having back problems who drop by here. If my experience can help just one person, it's worth posting. For anyone now or in the future who is a candidate for back surgery, INSIST that they check your SI joints along with all the other testing. The best way to diagnose the problem is to have a lidocaine shot(s) into the joint. (The first shots I had were diagnostic as well as treatment). If it relieves the pain for a short while, then they know that in about 25% of people with back pain at least part or all of the pain originates from the SI joint(s), not the back. What confused everyone about my back was the lack of leg pain and that the pain was on both sides.

I don't regret having the back surgery because in my case there were so many things wrong and it was so unstable that I couldn't not have it. I just wish they could have combined the two and then maybe the recuperation times could have been combined not to mention the months of pain that could have been eliminated.

Some might find they are in the 25% who are mis-diagnosed and the SI surgery is the only surgery they need. That's why as much as I hate writing about this stuff, I feel it might help someone to avoid a mis-diagnosis. According to everything I've heard and read, it is very often missed and goes totally undiagnosed.

So, my fingers are still crossed, with a little less confidence, but I've not given up. I sometimes want to scream, "Hey, look at this white hair! How much time do you think I have to waste on this?" And, I wonder. Will I ever be able to set out to explore, again? Will I ever get my Jack out camping, again?

Except for Susan, he'd be bored to death. She has kept him exercised and in good shape. I love being at campsite with him. If I do get some pain relief with the shots, I may take him to some state or COE parks in Georgia before my next appointment. I can take my time hitching up and just stay hitched up while at the campground. We'll see. 

A Relaxing Last Day

Today was another beautiful, sunny day. Nancy and I decided we wanted to lay around outside on our campsite. She put my blanket out and she sat in her chair to read. Susie was going into Charleston. Every now and then Nancy would stop reading and she would take me for a walk around a circle in the campground. It was such a pleasant day. Ahhh...this is the life.

A man came over to ask Nancy about her trailer. He was a very friendly man. He was riding a bike and had the tiniest little dog in the basket. She was very cute. He said he and his wife were traveling in a van. She wanted a bathroom and he wanted a comfortable bed. He though our trailer would be a good option because even though it's only 22 foot, it has both.

The phone rang and it was Susie. She sounded upset. Parking is a very big problem in Charleston which is one reason Nancy can't go into downtown because to get anywhere from a parking garage is too long of a walk. Susie said she knocked the cover of the hub cap off the wheel. She had found a space but the meter didn't work so she was changing spots when she hit something. Nancy said not to worry, the truck can always be fixed. As long as she was okay. When she pulled in, we discovered that the paint had been scraped off the side of the truck, too. Susie drives an Acura, which is a little car so driving a big truck is very different especially in parking decks that seem to be made for compact cars not big trucks. Susie insisted that she will get it all fixed, but Nancy said that she would take care of it because sooner or later she would have done the same thing.

It looks worse than it is. It feels to me like only the paint was scraped off. Still, body work is expensive so Susan and a friend of hers are going to shop around. He'll know whether they give fair estimates. I don't even know where I'd go for a wheel hub and hope it's okay to drive home without it.

Nancy and Susie sat and talked for a while as I laid enjoying the sun. Then they decided we should take a ride to the beach. We went to a less populated area, and it was nice just listening to the water. I really didn't want to go in the water. I was limping a little--think I did too much yesterday. But who can't be happy at the beach? Susie took me down by the water, but I wanted to go back to Nancy. So, I ran back to her. Then, I went back to get Susie. I like them to be together. Just the smell of the salt water was exhilarating. Nancy finally saw some wildlife! Pelicans. Compared to the mansions in Isle of Palms, even the huge houses lining Folly Beach are small in comparison.

We saw a beautiful big bluish-grey bird as we came back into the park, but he flew away before Nancy could even get her camera out. She was so disappointed. Maybe when she can walk further, she'll be able to see more wildlife.

Nancy and Susie have another restaurant recommendation. It's called Mondo's - delicious Italian food and it's only about a mile from the campground.

When we got back to the trailer Nancy decided to back into our site so that hitching up will be easier, tomorrow morning. We all wish we didn't have to go home, but Susie has to work and Nancy gets her shots on Monday. I'm the only one who can relax. It's a long drive back to Atlanta but I sleep most of the way so it doesn't bother me. Nancy said she's half thinking of leaving the trailer hitched up and head back out on Tuesday. She gets her shots on Monday, but her good friend, Gail, will drive her because they insist that Nancy have a driver. So other than laundry it might be possible to head back out! We'll see.