So, I Ask Myself....

It's October 28
What is the difference between other surgeries, health crises that I've faced in life and this one--I know the answer. Have I ever been afraid? No. So what's the problem, then, Nancy? I think that all I had to face was the surgery. If I made it, that was great. If I didn't, Rich was here to make everything okay. Would I be worried about Jack? No.

Lizzie, Jack, and I had a bond that was pure love, comfort and feeling safe; feeling not alone after the most important person in our lives was gone. Now, of course, it's only Jack and me so if something happens and I don't return I've provided for his care, financially, but he doesn't have me, Lizzie or Rich any more. Who will be with him 24/7 as the "significant other" in his life. Sure, I know how crazy he is about Susan, but she works. That means that he spends time alone with no one to curl up with. No one who understands everything he tells them with his woofs and moans.

I don't know if I'll publish this or not. Just feeling kind of disconnected, tonight. I miss Rich. I miss him with my whole being. He was the strength in our relationship. He was my hero. He is my hero.

Days of waiting would have been filled with laughter and occupied with things outside these four walls. Sounds like I'm afraid, but honestly, I'm not except that I have a pup who relies on me for his every need and care with the exception of his daily walk with Susan. I know she'll do her best to make him happy, and truth be known he may be happier with her because she'll have him doing all the fun things he loves to do. She loves him as much as I do. But, what when he gets old.

My kids are all so well adjusted and so well prepared to face anything in life that I don't worry about them though they are my heart and soul.